metanoia

[meh-ta-noy-ah] * Greek

(n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversion.

My cousin sent this word to me the other day (shout to Kelly for being bang on) after a deep conversation. And it completely resonated. I took a screenshot of it and kept going back to it numerous times a day. I wrote it down in my weekly planner (yes, I still use one) and have been thinking long and hard about it for a few days.

I think it’s completely natural to change your path as we get older. Our brains change and as some old habits no longer serve us, it’s time to kick them. I’ve recently made a number of changes in my life because I just felt like it was time. It was time to stop falling victim to all the crap I’ve been through and it was time to start living a better and happier life. it 100% does not come easy and I have to be mindful every day with the thoughts that blaze through my mind.

My first change was the typical January 1st resolution; diet. Honestly, it’s just learning to be aware with what I’m fuelling my body with. Certain foods don’t do me any justice and I mean that on the mind-body-soul level. I struggle with anxiety and I know that alcohol, caffeine and sugar don’t work in my favour. I started to really take a look at the lives of those who I admire (*ahem* JLo *ahem*) and realized they all have some certain aspects in common; they eat clean, drink water, exercise and eliminate alcohol. Seemed simple enough, right? I kid you not when I say this is the hardest change of my life. AND I RAISE 5 KIDS ALONE. But I know it’s worth it because the hardest things always are… and I’m done with lacklustre. My kids keep me going from dawn til nightfall and they absolutely live way more exciting lives than I do (dude, my eldest filmed a Netflix movie this past summer… they are WAY cooler than me.) AND, my friend and I just landed a pretty sweet deal and are writing a children’s book so it was way past overdue to get my shite together. We are blessed with life and I’ll be damned if I’m not filling my days with everything I love and enjoy.

I’ve had to come to terms with a lot of my toxic habits and patterns and make some big changes that aren’t super easy. I know these small daily changes are my path to big and exciting results. My dreams are pretty big and if I want to attain them, I need to keep making strides and put my health and driving forces as my No. 1. How do you expect to hit goals when you don’t change your daily habits? For example, my friend and I are writing a children’s book and I realized how important it is for me to get back to general blogging to practice my creative thinking and writing. I had to start waking up earlier again and I grabbed a gratitude journal that has me writing down 3 things I’m grateful for each and every morning. And let me tell you, it’s not as easy as you think. I have lots to be grateful for but try doing it for a week and not repeating yourself. Seems easy, right? Giver’ a go. Not. Simple.

As far as career goes, my brain hasn’t been able to make up its mind until recently. I had convinced myself that I ought to be a school teacher, yet want my Masters in Clinical Psych because I should be a therapist. Talk about the cognitive dissonance that was happening in my head. But I wanted something else. Choosing a career is tricky when you have 5 kids. Especially when you have one kiddo who trains crazy amounts and her red hair has her taking on auditions in Toronto at random times and hours. I need some flexibility and I need something that isn’t a 9-5. So, I need to self-motivate. I recently just signed up for a new course and accreditation and I’m pretty excited about it as it will give me the freedom and motivation I’m working towards. However, it’s unknown territory and in order to be successful, I needed to make new strides to get my ass off the couch and out of the introspection. I had to start making some moves and take control of myself so I can take control of my life.

Here’s the thing, peeps. Timing is everything. It sucks to wait but I’m becoming more and more aware that doors close for a reason. I believe things happen to make you uncomfortable so you grow. I read somewhere that it’s just best off to make yourself comfortable being uncomfortable and it clicked. Staying uncomfortable encourages you to make changes to become comfortable. So, I’m looking at my uncomfortable state directly in it’s eyes and choosing to make changes that will help and take the edge off this unknown state.

I’m okay with living in a world of metanoia. I’m okay with constant change and growth. And mostly, I’m better off with setting more goals and teaching my kids how to push through barriers and succeed.

Metanoia. It’s such a fun word to say.