I’ve had a pretty decent stretch of a few days here. I mean, I did wake up this morning thinking I had the good old ‘Rona BUT it turns out that I just needed a coffee…. oh, let’s be real here, I needed two and I subtly learned my lesson to NOT sleep with the window open when it’s 50 below zero. (ummm hello, it’s been snowing here the last couple days) Gross. But honestly, I did some serious deep cleaning, played an intense game of Jenga in the pots and pans drawer (yes, I won) and I even gutted my closet and arranged it in colours. I mean, all I own are black and grey but I do have a few pops of navy blue here and there. I’m working on it, ok? I also got some meal prep done and hit the keto recipes hard and ended up with some pretty bomb lunches and dinners. I 100% feel on my A-game when I have a plan for the day and it absolutely felt good to get ahead of myself again. And I also feel like a total rockstar with a bottle of Lysol on my hip and a paper towel to scrub-a-dub-dub every possible surface. (PS. I will go back to cloth and natural cleaners once I know the Covid is GONE)
So yah. It’s been an okay week. I’ve had a couple moments of the usual banter, but I think I’m doing okay.
If I’m being honest, this quarantine has encouraged me to dive deeper into some serious introspection… that had already been somewhat happening... and figure out some personal truths about myself; such as why I am the way I am and what does my growth potential actually look like? I’ve come to realize that in order for me to grow, I need to focus on boundary work and set some limitations on what I allow into my life and HONOUR them.
Soooo, it has taken me almost 35 years to figure out this little golden nugget of wisdom and hey- I’ve even hit a few rock bottoms along the way but that’s how my journey goes. I evidently had to face some hell and high waters to overcome them and see what it exactly is that I’m made of. And ya know what? Your girl is a strong one. I do come from a line of strong and independent women and am proud to be the granddaughter of my Nanny. My Nan was a single Mama after losing her husband at a young age and ultimately raising her 4 children alone. She went back to University and got her degree, worked in the school as a librarian and found her niche in the world. Growing up, she was the one who watched us when my parents had to work and you better believe she was at every family gathering…. with her questionable baking that would sometimes have stove knobs embedded in them, true story…. but hey, that was our Nan. Strong, resilient and even though I didn’t appreciate it at the time due to being a youngster, I certainly do now and I can feel her motivation pushing through me as I tackle life.
I don’t know about y’all but the phone call is BACK and instead of sending those pesky ringtones directly to voicemail, only to text them immediately after with a “whats up?” I am answering those phone calls even sometimes before the first ring is completed. It has been so friggen’ good to reconnect with a bunch of friends and family members to just talk about things that matter. Honestly, it’s been complete food for the soul. And I swear I have a point here so bear with me. With all this introspection, I’ve realized that something has switched in me within the last couple of years that is pushing me to do something better with my life and to truly evolve into the best version of myself. I can’t even say I really know what that means in this current moment but all I know is that I’m discovering the power of people. These phone calls and video chats are typically so positive that I hang up with the biggest smile on my face and I’m really figuring out who naturally complements my thought process and whose energy will intrinsically push me towards that best self. I mean, I absolutely need to be brought back down to Earth once in a while because when I get going, the sky is literally limitless and next thing I know, I’m floating out into the clouds and need a good dose of reality. BUT, for the first time in my life I’m setting goals. And I mean attainable and proper goals. Kinda feels good. But again, this is where the boundary work needs to come in. I have to keep certain vibes and energies at bay and focus on the peeps who literally feed my soul.
But like, makes total sense, right? Yah yah, I know you’re all applauding me for being late to the party on personal boundaries but this is a huge turning point for me AND I’m so freakin relieved I finally got here! I always lived a life of wanting to make others happy and I lived for the validation and the acceptance. Hell, I still struggle with validation but this is a life long journey and it’s gotta be one step at a time. But I definitely need to let go of the notion of making other people happy before myself, with the exception of my kids that is, because duh. I do think that my divorce had to happen so I could look myself square in the mirror and figure out who it is that I exactly am as I 100% got lost during those years. I always had an issue with self-esteem and it took me forever to figure out that you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Again, late to the party.
So, I mean… this has been my quarantine. Covid has absolutely forced us to slow down and smell the roses as we learn to live together in this very, very simple time. It’s proving to me what is important, WHO is important and that I need to continually strengthen my relationship with myself. I promise we’re all going to come out of this and my only goal is to grow my self awareness and make some changes to the energies around me. Reassess what I have allowed into my space and make the necessary changes to now build this second chance at life that we have so graciously been given.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”Brene Brown