I swear… if we are out of isolation for Father’s Day, I’m going to lose my mind. Jokes. Sorta. But in all realness, every single Mother needs to give herself one wicked hug right now (you know, since we’re not allowed to hug anyone else) and give herself the biggest Kudos known to humankind. What you are doing right now is literally not even human. We always knew that Moms were the modern day Superhero as it is, and here we are;running households, holding down careers, trying not to cry all day and HOMESCHOOLING OUR HERDS. Guarantee none of us knew this pandemic would hit during our lifetime, and here we are…. nailing it. So, take this day and ENJOY it. Screw the housework and cooking, pour yourself a cup of whatever makes you happy and kick back all freakin day. You have my full permission, ladies. Embrace it!
And I need to shout out the Mamas who don’t have a choice to take the day off. As a single mom, I’m blessed to live with my parents and I am fully exercising my right to not cook or clean tomorrow but I know that option doesn’t exist for a number of y’all out there. This isolation thing is real and I know there are many of you out there who will be running ship as per usual. I just hope you feel appreciated and like you’re enough, because I know how hard it can be when it feels like there is no break in sight and all you want is a minute to finish your coffee in peace. I get it. I see you. And you have my full support and love. It ain’t easy doing these days on our own, let alone facing the days that are meant to be celebrations with loved ones. For whatever it’s worth, I hope you find a moment and feel gratitude and complete happiness. And I seriously pray your kids are in glorious moods and kiss the ground you walk on because…. we all need a little of that.
Mother’s Day around here has always been an interesting one. In fact, my very first Mother’s Day in 2009 was obviously an unforgettable one, not only due to the fact that I had my squishy little daughter to celebrate with, but I also received a phone call that day from her father saying he wished to terminate his rights to her and that I would be the sole and final custodian. (ohhhh, the foreshadowing, eh?!) But like, come on. Could he not have waited until the day after Mother’s Day? I put on a brave face and acted as though it was the greatest gift I could have gotten- but the back of my brain was screaming in agony, wondering how I was going to bring the sweetest little girl into a world, without a father. So, there ya have my very first Mother’s Day. Thankfully, it’s only gone up from there.
Majority of the years, I’ve been spending my Mother’s Day at dance competitions and it never ever bothered me. In fact, I’ve loved it. Watching my kids do their thing has to be my absolute biggest joy in life and as much as I miss seeing these kids excel in their sports and activities, I am freakin’ PUMPED to spend the day at home tomorrow with absolutely nowhere to go and nobody to see. My lucky self gets to spend the day with my mother and kids because 5 billion people live under this roof! My legit plan is to actually social distance from my own kids tomorrow… we’ll see how that goes.
That’s the thing about being a single Mom; there’s really no break. And it’s fine- as these are my children and they didn’t ask to be brought into this world. It’s absolutely my job to raise them and I’ll get my little break when they grow up but right now, it is BUSY. We actually sat down as a family tonight and watched a local TV station put on a forum type of program, where kids asked their questions about Covid, and were answered by the real-deal professionals. It was informative for little minds and generally reminded them about the science behind the virus (don’t believe everything you read on the Internet) and how we all need to work as a team to make the engine run. They even touched base on how some parents will have a tough day and little tidbits on how to make them feel better, such as thanking Mom or Dad for their meal and putting a small effort in to help with household chores. I know I kinda seem like I’m going a bit off topic from Mother’s Day, but as a mother, I know how we can all feel completely unappreciated. Our parents were so NOT joking when they came down on us saying how we didn’t appreciate their efforts. I get it, Mom. I really get it. And I’m sorry.
My eldest actually broke down tonight for the first time since all this began. She randomly just walks up to me and starts apologizing and saying how all she wanted was to have a clean house for me to wake up to and actually asked me if she could have permission to stay up late to clean the hallway. I absolutely looked at her, bewildered, wondering what new pair of shoes she wanted until I saw the tears in her eyes. And bam. Niagara Falls in the middle of her brothers room. I 100% know that isolation has gotten to her and she’s missing her friends and life so so much but I also felt the pressure she was feeling to make me happy. And it made me feel awful. Don’t get me wrong, I’m insanely grateful that she wants to do all this stuff, but right then I knew her method of coping with the Covid crap is to stay busy. It’s like I’ve almost forgotten how tough it is for them because I’ve been so caught up in MY whirlwind. It was a grounding moment for me tonight. Mom fail? Mom win? A little of both?
I’m not World’s Greatest Mom. And I seriously applaud that lady, whoever she may be. I don’t bake the best cookies (I’m fantastic at burning them) and I send them into dance class with the wrong attire. I’ve absolutely held a bodysuit out my car window in hope to dry it in time for her ballet class, because I forgot to transfer it to the dryer. I fed them doughnuts for lunch a couple days ago because I didn’t want to cook AGAIN and I sent them to bed at 6pm because I needed a minute for me. They don’t always eat organic and sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) they don’t get their suggested intake of fruit and veggies. They mow down on cereal for breakfast and play wayyyyyyy too much Roblox. I didn’t even know their online login for their school work until a few weeks ago. I call them by the wrong name, numerously, frequently and sometimes unapologetically. (dude, there’s a lot of them.)
But I’m there for them. I’m there for every stomachache, nose bleed, sprained finger, first day of school, soccer game, hockey practice, dance competition, school concert, dentist trip, doctor visit, track meet, audition, birthday party and life event. I don’t miss a beat. I’m the one wiping their tears and celebrating their victories with them. And I’ll be the one teaching them how to drive and how to cook. I’ll be there every time they find their way into my room after a scary dream. They are my life.
They can be serious pains in my butt and most days, I’m crying at some point because I’m so insanely overwhelmed… but then one of them will randomly come up and just give me a hug for no reason and it’s like none of the crap matters. All that matters is the love they just transferred over to me from their embrace and I’m quickly reminded that this is the kind of busy I want to be. They make me want to be better and they are the force behind my drive. I will absolutely stop at nothing for success because I know they’re watching and I know they need a strong example.
I’m their only parent. I can’t mess this up.
I love being a Mom. It has made my life better in so many ways and I am forever grateful that they are all mine. They were all sent to me at the right time and I know their reason. The frustration is real, the overwhelmed feeling is real and the insanity is more than real. But this is motherhood and we’re doing good.
So, here we are Mama’s. Celebrating Covid style. My most massive thank you to the Moms out there who are our front line workers and spending the day serving others, you are the bomb. If this is your first Mother’s Day without your Mother, I hope you feel her today. To the Moms of angel babies, wondering who they might have been? I know that loss and I too know your pain. Hugs. And if your only wish is to be a Mother and just aren’t quite there yet? I hope you’re celebrating you and your maternal drive. And hey, if you’re that Dad who is doing this on your own? Celebrate your accomplishments. Happy Mother’s Day folks, from my isolated home to yours. ❤