Do you ever feel like people just want you to fail? Or purposely celebrate your failures and ignore your triumphs and accomplishments? Or ultimately dissuade you from any dream, whether it’s small or big? We’re all human and none of us are perfect, but at what point do we cut ourselves from those who literally suck the ambition out of us and reduce us to feelings of nothingness?
Okay, I admit it. I’m different. It’s hard to keep up with the thoughts in my head sometimes because it’s always going like one of those hamster wheels. My brain is wired a touch differently than others and I’m not a type who is willing to settle. I have an innovative brain and it has jumped from career decisions my entire life. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to open a dance studio called “100.” (as in 100%, totally influenced by Crystal Waters song- which i still use for my warm ups! ha.) But, the stars aligned for me in the dance world and I’m blessed to be working for, and have worked for some insanely influential people who have provided so many opportunities for my family and I. I feel like I’m in a good position and have the flexibility to teach my passion a few times a week, which suits me perfectly.
I always wanted to be the best at what I do. When I went back to University, I was determined to come out as a psychiatrist because if I’m going to invest in a career, I’m going to master it. And I truly did aspire to go that far with psychology until I realized I needed a quicker plan to make some money. Raising kids is certainly anything but cheap and the thought of having $100K+ student debt behind me is less than ideal. So, I applied to teachers college and to my surprise- I wasn’t accepted. And I only applied to one specific school because I was convinced I would get in with my grades and letter of intent. When that door closed, I had to go back into long-term memory and fetch some of those genuine interests that I’ve carried my entire life. I remember being in grade 5 when we had a creative writing project and had to draft together a story. I was crazy excited to get started on this and I locked myself into my bedroom for what felt like days and looked through all my notepads to choose which character I was going to finally give life to. That was my thing when I was a kid, I was always writing stories and drawing up character sketches to scratch that creative writing itch I had growing up. So, I submitted my work once it was done and low and behold, when we finally got our work back, mine had a note on it that read:
“Please see me!”
Welllllll, crap. I thought it was a pretty freakin good story. When I finally went up to my teachers desk, she handed me my grading rubric and it was a perfect grade. I told ya it was good! But then she asked me if she could send it in to be published and I remember not thinking much of it and I honestly didn’t give it any second thoughts. I went about my day and never did anything with it. And here I am, a million years later, publishing my first childrens book with a very dear gal pal of mine. Cool, eh? I also grew up totally and completely obsessed with houses. I remember taking my parents newspaper and tearing right to the real estate section to check out what houses were for sale and I would ALWAYS be grabbing those small Real Estate magazines that you could pick up at the grocery stores at no cost (or sometimes in that little box on your neighbours lawn.) I couldn’t care less about the comic section or the kids crosswords, I was all about those houses. Checking the prices and seeing what the inside looked like… I was allllll about that life. Even with my Barbies, I would spend the day reorganizing their houses and setting it up just perfectly. And then I grew up and my favourite past time was walking through model homes in new subdivisions and imagining my life in the most expensive MLS listing. You know, realistic shizz to keep things super real. So, here I am, doing my courses for real estate.
Okay, so both of these little paths I have going on are nothing mind-blowing and I probably won’t change the world but hear me out for a minute:
They’re changing ME.
Both of these paths are giving me a chance to prove my persistence and put my dreams in MY hands. No one will ever be able to tell me that I didn’t work hard enough to get the things I want and there will always be an opportunity to do better and exceed previous goals. And I’m here for that. Y’all, I’m raising 5 kids on my own. And I can’t decide if I belong close to the mountains, raising my kids in a small town or if I belong close to the hustle and bustle of a city. But I do know that I’m willing to work and I’m willing to work HARD. Remember when we were younger and we were told that the world was ours? There was no dream too big until adulthood hit. Then we learned what it meant to conform. My only hope right now is to break out of conformity and bring back the dreams I had a kid, before I let them be ripped out from my hands.
I’m also figuring out that it’s important who you surround yourself with and what you pay attention to out there in the social media world. I know how I feel when I walk away from certain conversations, feeling empowered and then being able to produce some good work. Those are the people I choose to be close to. The ones who feel like sunshine.
I choose to surround myself with people who are striving to always be better because whether we like it or not, there is always something to work on and something to enhance. Whether it be a new business or just trying to smile more often. Both huge accomplishments 🙂 And most importantly, I choose to not subject myself to the dwellers anymore. I don’t have any interest in engaging with those who sneer, laugh or tear me down because the feeling of failure and rejection will set off an angry side to me and I’m trying hard to let my light shine.
My point here is to simply take life right now as a clean slate. I know quarantine has us all in shambles and sometimes it really is awesome to not get out of your pyjamas for a day, but maybe it’s worth diving back into your 7 year old brain and asking yourself if there’s something you can pursue right now. The world has just totally and completely shaken us and is telling us that we need to do better, and the Earth is starting to heal. Life is too short to be miserable and I’d way rather be chasing an ‘unrealistic’ dream than sit dormant in misery. And shed the jerks who try and take the dreams away from you. Your people are totally out there and ready to help you thrive. XO.
Cincodemumyo 