Oh hello, insomnia. So, we meet again. 90’s music and movies FTW. (apparently FTW means ‘for the win.’) I just learned about that this week, you’re welcome.
I did sleep for a minute- maybe even 4 hours? But, I’d be a liar if I said that I’ve been sleeping well, lately as it has truthfully been the exact opposite. There’s a lot happening in this brain of mine and what I’m realizing is that the more I talk to fellow parents, the more normal I feel.
Straight up- I’m sending my kids back to school. It was a hard decision to make but at the end of the day, we are going to give it a shot and if all hell breaks loose, we reassess and go on from there. But, none of this has come easy, as we all know that there hasn’t been any consistent plan. It’s been a massive brain teaser for us parents as we basically make a pros and cons list but with the ultimate need to go back to work I feel as thought I wasn’t left with another choice. Our school board actually just confirmed a staggered start and I’m not sure what that looks like right now but my guess is that I’ll have 5 different kids starting on 5 different days due to their age range. Oh, and get this… our bussing has been taken away for 3 out of my 5 kids. Yep, 3 out of 5. My twins can still get on the bus, as the letter stated that they are “too young” to walk across a busy highway, but my 7, 8 and 11-year olds are deemed old enough to?! I’m literally scratching my head about it and it absolutely poses more stress as I now need to figure out how to get them to and from school and then deal with the twins outrage because they’re 5 and totally obsessed with that bus. 5-year old problems are the best kind of problems, eh?! I mean, I suppose there’s a driver shortage and I’m not comfortable sending them on a bus at this point anyway… but like COME ON. Let’s just complicate everything a little bit more, right? I know. These are totally first-world problems and I’m blessed that I have healthy children who are receiving a wonderful education but I’m also validated in the stress I feel and I feel like any parent can resonate with me on this regard.
Regardless, Covid is something I can’t control and we are just planning on taking this day-to-day but it’s definitely weighing heavy on the brain as our bubbles are slowly starting to expand. I feel that we’ll go back into our own little isolation once school begins as we are a larger than normal family as I feel it’s how we can do our part and keep ours and others risks minimal. It’s been a strange time and I find my mind has been flopping like a freakin fish depending on whom I speak with. When you talk to friends or family who don’t see Covid as a huge risk and have no issues going to house parties or don’t keep track of how many people they see (aka JERKS), it feels a little less serious and I know I can tend to let my guard down. And on the other end, I am Queen Germophobe and was fully disinfecting my KALE at the beginning of this. I imagine the reality is somewhere between these two which is where I believe I’m currently at. But, it’s a confusing time and I’m literally starting to make choices according to my Internet horoscope for the day….nope, not joking. It has come to relying on recycled sentences from the cyber world. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ha.
So, here I am… allowing this stress to chip away at me and affect not only my sleep but most of my current brain processes. It’s literally 5:30am and I’m on coffee #2 and have been wide awake and bushy-tailed since 2am. All the fun. But, I’ve learned that I do my best thinking in the quiet of the night and I imagine that is simply due to the fact that I don’t have 5 kids hanging off me to ask for yet another snack. And this statement alone was a key factor in my decision to send them back. Like, I honestly can’t even tell you the amount of food we’ve gone through over the last 6 months. It’s bloody impressive.
So, here I am… early early AM and the hamster wheel is running full force not knowing if I’m doing the right thing. I figure the only way I’ll know if I’m making the right choice is to literally take it minute by minute. And hey- if you’re a teacher reading this, please know I 100% have your back and I’ll make sure our family stays diligent. My goal is to keep my kids and family safe until we can kiss this pandemic goodbye and that likely means beginning to eliminate people whom I see as a threat and pull up our socks a bit more and do the heavy lifting. We’re all going into these unchartered waters and I’m going to take everything a touch more seriously right now as our bubble is about to expand 5 times as big. 6 times if you include myself. Truly wild when you think about it. But my responsibility here is massive not only as a mother, but as an employee. So, here we go. Final 2 weeks of our super-elongated March Break and back to our healthy-habit-building days because I have a huge responsibility that lays on my shoulders and I refuse to disappoint myself here. But realistically, parents are NOT okay right now and we all just need a giant hug. And coffee. Coffee is always appreciated.